Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Cancellation of Blood Red Wet Dreams.

Greetings and salutations!

A year ago I closed the call for an anthology I was going to call Blood Red Wet Dreams.


I received something like 70 or 80 submissions for consideration.
At first the process was like the preceding anthologies that I put together.
Come up with the idea.
Post the call.
Monitor the incoming submissions downloading the documents and adding them to a master spreadsheet with the author names, story titles, word count and e-mails.
When the submission window closed, start reading the stories.
I tend to pick around the edges of the folder containing the submissions.
Sometimes I open the folder and start reading alphabetically by title.
Sometimes reverse alphabetic to avoid granting unfair preference to alphabetic order.
Sometimes I start reading smallest files to largest.
Sometimes largest to smallest.
Sometimes I just pick a story with an interesting title in case it lives up to the title.
As I read through the stories, I decide which folder they should be put in.
I copy over the folder system that I developed while working on my first anthology.
While I was reading the submissions, a disconcerting amount of them required editing right out of the gate for spelling and grammar.
If an author doesn't have a handle on their "its/it's your/you're they're/there/their" then most of the time the stories aren't superlative.
If a reader/editor has to stop and determine if the author has used the proper form in minor grammatical matters it makes it that much more difficult to evaluate a story based on the plot, style, and content of the story.
If that's the case, I'll usually make editorial notes on the first two or three pages of errors and give up on the story, send it back with my editorial comments, and tell the author to clean up the grammar and resubmit the story if they want it to be considered.
As an editor of an anthology, I prefer to help good stories get better and catch minor spelling/usage errors.
I can sympathize with a "petal/pedal" error.
One is part of a flower.  One is part of a car or bicycle.
But the "its/it's your/you're they're/there/their" thing is part of the basic tool set of writing.
If I managed to get through a story without giving up on it halfway through, I either leave it in the Submissions folder or move it onto the READ - MAYBE folder.
Usually this process took me around a month until I had made my selections and notified the authors, giving them a last chance to give their story a final polish before I put together the Table Of Contents and started to put together the book interior.
After a month working on Blood Red Wet Dreams, I had put half of the submissions into the DECLINED folder.
Each month after that, I'd re-read the stories left in the Submissions folder and try to see if I could put together some sort of theme with the stories that remained.
I was looking for around fifteen solid stories that worked well together and supported the theme.
The theme was "Blood Red Wet Dreams" as in any combination of those words could be used to describe the stories and the anthology.  Ideally all of them.
I was looking for stories like Marina De Van's In My Skin, or Trouble Every Day, or Let The Right One In.
Or something like one of Dexter's blood-soaked fever dreams.
There were several good stories, but only two or three managed to cover all of the bases.
Some were sexy/smutty/bloody but had weak writing or plot.
Some had a strong story, but weren't bloody.
Some used the color red as a key and had a dream in them, but weren't bloody.
Some totally disregarded the parameters of the call and didn't have blood, the color red, water, or dreams in them.
Stories from the folder of finished but as of yet unpublished stories on their computer submitted presumably hoping that the quality of the story would overcome the theme of the anthology.
I thought about contacting regular contributors of stories whose work I haven't included in an anthology yet to ask them if they could send me something that would better complement the theme of the anthology.
But with only three stories in the READ - MAYBE folder after a year of working on this anthology I've decided to call it.
I always said that if I couldn't find enough decent stories to put together an anthology, I wouldn't put out the anthology.
This is the first time this has happened.
I don't want to re-post the call because I think I'd mostly get more of the same and just make more work for myself without publishing an anthology at the end.
I could always just send the twenty remaining stories acceptance e-mails and put it together from shortest to longest and publish it
It would make a few authors happy to receive objective positive reinforcement and add another publishing credit to their resume.
But I'm concerned about the reputation of the imprint.
Whatever marginal reputation I may have earned with the previous books I've published.
I stand behind the quality of the previous books I've published or I wouldn't have published them in the first place.
I look forward to publishing books of the same quality in the future.

Thank you to all of the authors that submitted their stories for consideration.
Sorry that this one didn't end up coming together and sorry for the long wait.

If another publisher is interested in taking over the project, feel free to contact me and I'll send over all of the materials and hopefully you can put something together and find a theme where I was unable.

Scott Lefebvre
Burnt Offerings Books
http://burntofferingsbooks.blogspot.com/
burntofferingsbooks@gmail.com

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce the release of Wage Slave by Sean Douglas.

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce the release of Wage Slave by Sean Douglas.


THRILL to tales of death,  destruction, and dishwashing!
KNOW what happens inside the walls of an asylum for the mentally insane!
JOIN an environmental cult pyramid scheme!
READ the depraved tales of prostitutes and drug addicts!

MURDER! SUICIDE! SEX!
EXTORTION! PROSTITUTION!
SEX! DRUGS! ROCK & ROLL!
ALL THIS AND MORE!


You can find the book for purchase through the following links:
CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4927845
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
www.amazon.com/Wage-Slave-Sean-Douglas/dp/1500683450
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:




Thursday, July 17, 2014

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce the release of Yesterday You Said Tomorrow

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce the release of Yesterday You Said Tomorrow



Time is a difficult thing for most people to wrap their mind around. The past has passed, the present is tense, and the future is always uncertain.  The challenge put forth was to write a story within the paradigm of fixed timeline time travel.
This is what a few intrepid authors wrote in response to that challenge.

The Time Machine by Scott Lefebvre
Time Out Of Mind by Kit Power
Collectibles by Jay Wilburn
All Is Dog by Adrean Messmer
A Stitch In Time by Ben Pienaar
Foam Ride by Patrick Freivald
The Colour of Roses by Tim Jeffreys
Version Control by Scott Lefebvre
Second Chance by Michael Kanuckel
Time Traveler’s Symphony by Marta Salek
Drop-ins by Morgan Crooks
What Would You Do? by Chris Philbrook
The Portal Project by Angelo Michaels

You can find the anthology for purchase through the following links:CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4905937
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Yesterday-You-Said-Tomorrow-Anthology/dp/1500533130
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:

http://www.amazon.com/Yesterday-You-Said-Tomorrow-Power-ebook/dp/B00LV2PXTE



Saturday, July 5, 2014

OPEN CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: BLOOD RED WET DREAMS



CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: BLOOD RED WET DREAMS:




Since the call for the last anthology was so specific, for the next one I wanted to run with an idea that I’ve been carrying around for a while.
BLOOD RED WET DREAMS
It’s not so much a concrete theme as it is an evocative phrase.
A trigger to get your creative juices flowing.
The only condition is that the stories must contain at least one of the themes suggested by the title of the anthology.
BLOOD: The blood is the life.  Feel free to interpret this in any way you choose.  From paper-cuts to torrents of arterial spray.  We’re not squeamish about gore, and will be particularly unsqueamish about it when considering stories for this anthology, as the mock-up cover will hopefully convey.
RED: The color red.  Potentially the most evocative color in the visible spectrum.  In thematic perception tests and interpretation of art, red is interpreted both as suggestive of love and anger, as in “seeing red”.
WET: I shouldn’t have to describe what wet means.  A creeping water stain on the ceiling of an old house.  A body of water that seems benevolent until it isn’t.  There are many ways that an author can incorporate the theme of moisture into their work.
DREAMS: Dreams for some, nightmare for others.  The mysterious place that the mind is transported to when we close our eyes and give ourselves over to the temporary death of sleep.
Since the call for this one is so wide, we want all new stories.
Not that we won’t consider reprints of exceptional quality, but we feel that with the parameters for this call being as open as they are that we would like to see some work that is custom written for the anthology.
I know that the knee-jerk reaction will probably be to write a story about a serial killer.
Don’t.
The genre has been over-used, and not very well.
The same thing goes for zombie stories.
If you’re going to use over-used tropes such as serial killers, zombies, vampires, witches, werewolves, westerns or noir, we’re going to expect you to do something new and spectacular.
To paraphrase Tom Atkins, “Thrill us.”
A good story trumps genre classification.
We are going to be very discriminative in our selection process.
We are looking for literature.   Not just stories.
If you’re going to explore a traditional genre, we expect you to do something new with it.
If you send us another textbook genre story, you will receive a polite letter of refusal and suggestions for other markets that may be better suited for your work.
What we’re looking for is writing that is evocative and actually effects readers emotionally.
If you’re going to go for scary, we want terrifying writing that will make us leave the lights on after we’re done reading.
If you’re going to go for depressing, we’re looking for stories so depressing they will make our hard luck stories read like love songs and have us calling the suicide hotline.
If you think you’ve got something that fits the preceding description, feel free to review our submission guidelines below.
We’re looking for authors with a unique voice all their own.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
Between 1,000-7,500 words.
Submission Deadline Date: Monday, September 1st
Please title submissions: "Story Name by Author Name - Word Count" replacing "Story Name" with the name of the story and "Author Name" with your name.
One submission per author unless you have discussed the theme for multiple submissions with the editor.
Publish date: Sometime in September TBA.
Page Count Goal for completed anthology: Between 100 - 200 pages.

What do we offer?
Burnt Offerings Books offers to publish and promote your work.
We will handle the cost of editing, formatting, designing a cover, and publishing your work.
In exchange, we will retain exclusive rights to print the work for six months.
After that, we will retain the right to keep the Burnt Offerings Books edition available, but you may also do with it as you please.
We continue to retain the rights to keep our edition available.
You will also be required to use a different cover for republishing purposes to avoid confusion between the two editions.
In exchange for these concessions, you will receive an equal percentage royalty split of 50% of sales p.o.d. and e-book.
Profit-sharing will be distributed at the end of each month.
All submissions will be accepted only on condition of agreement to the preceding conditions.
If you are interested, submission inquiries may e-mail:
burntofferingsbooks@gmail.com
Or contact us through our Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Burnt-Offerings-Books/1408858196016246
To stay up to date on what we will be publishing join the Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1449189218642723/

Monday, May 12, 2014

Burnt Offerings Books WEB MOB.

Burnt Offerings Books is pleased to announce a new customer loyalty program.


The Burnt Offerings Books Web Mob

Why should I join the Web Mob?
 
As a member of the Burnt Offerings Books Web Mob, you'll be the first to know about our books, and be entitled to receive free PDF versions for review purposes.
As the publisher, we are able to purchase paperback copies of our books at a significant discount, so we can offer paperbacks at half the price of what they're available for through Amazon.
So if you prefer your books in dead tree format, you'll want to join the Web Mob.
We'll also be doing group exclusive contests and promotions not available anywhere else.

How do I join?
If you have a Facebook account, then click on over and join!
It's really that simple.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/BurntOfferingsBooksWebMob/

What's the catch?
If there's a catch, I can't think of one.
It's free.
Not only is it free, but you can make money as a member of the Burnt Offerings Books Web Mob.

Wait... what?
We need reviews.
Giving away review copies just isn't cutting it.
I've given away dozens of PDF copies of our releases for review purposes and only managed to generate one review for every ten PDFs I sent out.
That's not bad, but it could definitely be better.
People don't seem to appreciate things that they get for free.
I know that it takes time to read a book with the intention of reviewing it, but I think a bit of incentive will help.
For every review posted on the Amazon listing for a book published by Burnt Offerings Books by a member of the Burnt Offerings Books Web Mob, Burnt Offerings Books will PayPal the reviewer $1.
I know it's not a lot, but it's what I can afford to pay for now.
I reviewed books for ten years for a variety of different magazines and websites and my only compensation was free books and the dubious notoriety of being a book reviewer.
I received my first book contract by contacting a publisher inquiring for a review copy of a book.
My e-mail was well composed enough that they asked me if I ever thought about writing a book.
They needed authors, and I was excited about the possibility of having my name on the cover of a book.
This was before the whole self-publishing explosion so it was a lot more difficult to get your name on the cover of a book.
We're not looking for five star raves unless that's your actual opinion.
We're looking for your honest opinions.
What we would ask, is that you have something nice to say.
Posting a one star review stating "This book was a waste of time that I will never get back." is a waste of time for everyone.
When I was a book reviewer, if I couldn't think of anything nice to say, I would contact the author or publisher privately and tell them as much.
We ask that you do the same.
If you can say what you liked, and what you didn't like about the book, then we welcome your opinion, be it criticism or compliments.
I have always said that I prefer constructive criticism to complimentary compliments.
We have eleven books available through Burnt Offerings Books, so no one's going to get rich off of reviewing our books, but I don't know of any other publisher that is offering free review copies that will also pay people that actually follow through with posting reviews.
That is our offer, and we'll keep the offer open until we start spending more than we make.
I'm not mailing out dollar bills, so please have a PayPal that I can send your payment to.
Alright, I'll send out dollar bills.
That way you'll have something to frame to commemorate your first paid book review.
To redeem your compensation for posting a review, send a message with the link to your review on the Amazon listing for the title you reviewed to the admin for the Facebook group.

Where can I browse a list of the titles available from Burnt Offerings Books?
It's one click away.
http://burntofferingsbooks.blogspot.com/2014/05/where-can-you-find-burnt-offerings-books.html


Thank you for your time and effort in reading this post and we hope that you will consider joining the Burnt Offerings Books Web Mob.
Taking over the world, one book at a time.


Scott Lefebvre
Burnt Offerings Books
burntofferingsbooks@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Where can you find Burnt Offerings Books?

Greetings!

Thanks for your interest in Burnt Offerings Books.
We are a publisher of fiction and non-fiction.
Books, novels, anthologies, interview collections and audio books.

We also provide affordable publishing and design assistance for aspiring authors.

You can find Burnt Offerings Books at this blog:
http://burntofferingsbooks.blogspot.com/
You can find the Burnt Offerings Books Facebook Fan Page here:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Burnt-Offerings-Books/1408858196016246
You can find the Burnt Offerings Books Facebook Group here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1449189218642723/


These are the listings for the titles currently available from Burnt Offerings Books in chronological order by print:



You Are Entitled To My Opinion: Volume 1
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4547319
Amazon Print-On-Demand Paperback Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Entitled-Opinion-Collection/dp/1494312891/
Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZ244P4



You Are Entitled To My Opinion: Volume 2
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4580363
Amazon Print-On-Demand
Paperback Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Entitled-Opinion-Collection/dp/1494739836/

Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HFX8P48



Scary Stories To Tell In Long Island by Scott Lefebvre
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4608738
Amazon Print-On-Demand
Paperback Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/Scary-Stories-Tell-Long-Island/dp/1494937050/

Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/Scary-Stories-Tell-Long-Island-ebook/dp/B00HRH1PFS/



Dead Letter Depot: A Collection of Stories To Kill Yourself To
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4608401
Amazon Print-On-Demand
Paperback Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/Dead-Letter-Depot-Collection-Yourself/dp/1494934973
Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing:
http://www.amazon.com/Dead-Letter-Depot-Scott-Lefebvre-ebook/dp/B00HRK3Q48/


You Are Entitled To My Opinion: Volume 3
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4621497
Amazon Print-On-Demand Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Entitled-Opinion-Collection/dp/1495221024
 
Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HWT1HAE



The End Of The World Is Nigh: Why? by Scott Lefebvre
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4630066
Amazon Print-On-Demand Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1495278557
Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HZ2BK3C



The End Of The World Is Nigh: The Middle Of Nowhere
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4631971
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/End-World-Nigh-Middle-Nowhere/dp/1495291529/



Condemned
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4659862
Amazon Print-On-Demand Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1495477185
Amazon Kindle/E-book Listing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ICCX8CU



Till Death Do Us Part: A Collection Of Short Stories
CreateSpace Direct: https://www.createspace.com/4698016
Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1496129156
Kindle Edition: http://www.amazon.com/Till-Death-Do-Part-Collection-ebook/dp/B00IRI8YAA




POSSESSIONS: A Collection of Short Stories About the Abject Horror of Ordinary Objects
CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4738243
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Possessions-Collection-Stories-Ordinary-Objects/dp/149749527X/
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:
http://www.amazon.com/Possessions-Collection-Stories-Ordinary-Objects-ebook/dp/B00JFCD4PM/


Hard Luck: A Collection Of Short Stories
CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4795076
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Luck-Scott-Lefebvre/dp/1499375638/
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K5Y8IUK




Yesterday You Said Tomorrow
Time is a difficult thing for most people to wrap their mind around. The past has passed, the present is tense, and the future is always uncertain.  The challenge put forth was to write a story within the paradigm of fixed timeline time travel.
This is what a few intrepid authors wrote in response to that challenge.

The Time Machine by Scott Lefebvre
Time Out Of Mind by Kit Power
Collectibles by Jay Wilburn
All Is Dog by Adrean Messmer
A Stitch In Time by Ben Pienaar
Foam Ride by Patrick Freivald
The Colour of Roses by Tim Jeffreys
Version Control by Scott Lefebvre
Second Chance by Michael Kanuckel
Time Traveler’s Symphony by Marta Salek
Drop-ins by Morgan Crooks
What Would You Do? by Chris Philbrook
The Portal Project by Angelo Michaels

You can find the anthology for purchase through the following links:CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4905937
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Yesterday-You-Said-Tomorrow-Anthology/dp/1500533130
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:

http://www.amazon.com/Yesterday-You-Said-Tomorrow-Power-ebook/dp/B00LV2PXTE


Wage Slave by Sean Douglas


THRILL to tales of death,  destruction, and dishwashing!
KNOW what happens inside the walls of an asylum for the mentally insane!
JOIN an environmental cult pyramid scheme!
READ the depraved tales of prostitutes and drug addicts!

MURDER! SUICIDE! SEX!
EXTORTION! PROSTITUTION!
SEX! DRUGS! ROCK & ROLL!
ALL THIS AND MORE!


You can find the book for purchase through the following links:
CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4927845
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Wage-Slave-Sean-Douglas/dp/1500683450
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:



Please contact the publisher through here or through Facebook for review copies.

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce Hard Luck, a collection of short stories.

Burnt Offerings Books is proud to announce Hard Luck, a collection of short stories.


This is a collection of short stories about what happens when things go from bad to worse.
When no matter how hard you try, and regardless of your good intentions, the worst case scenario is inevitable.  Everything doesn't always work out in the end and not every ending is a happy one.  Sometimes the only thing that helps you to feel better about your life is hearing about someone who has it even worse.  Sometimes Hard Luck is the only kind of luck you've got.


In this anthology are the following stories, organized by length from shortest to longest:
The Winning by James S. Dorr
Haunted Love by Dusty Davis
Fourth Floor Walk-up by Michael McGlade
Gary by Michael Kanuckel
Hell and Back by Lucas Mangum
Good Samaritan by Joe Powers
Lady Luck by Mae March
Right, Wrong, or Indifferent by C. L. Quigley
Bigger Fish by Stephen Pope
Christina's World by Sean Douglas


You can find the anthology for purchase through the following links:
CreateSpace Direct:
https://www.createspace.com/4795076
Amazon Print-On-Demand:
http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Luck-Scott-Lefebvre/dp/1499375638/
Amazon Kindle/E-book Version:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K5Y8IUK







Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Time Machine


The Time Machine

     The time machine has always existed.
     The time machine will always exist.
     Even in the dreams of men who lived before machines there was the wonder of what could have been.
     The hidden doorway to time travel existed behind every advance of our collective efforts at technology until the inevitable happened as the inevitable always will.

     The time machine has always existed.
     The time machine will always exist.
     Its discovery was accidental.
     They were trying to perfect the theory of teleportation.
     In underground research facilities that never see the light of day or get the attention they deserve but do not seek, experiments are conducted that would strain your faith in what you think you know about the world you live in.
     Have you ever heard of a government program called the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency?
     Probably not.
     Most people haven’t.
     It doesn’t matter.
     They do what they do regardless.
     The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA as the tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists that know and love it call it in their “secret” chatrooms, is an actual government agency.
     It has a budget, and if you can manage to get through the two-hundred and eighty-two page itemized budget report you can see what their annual budget is.
     Because you can believe everything you find on the internet.
     If you know anything about the world, you know that sometimes false stories are published to make the true stories look false and only those that are truly “in the know” know the difference.
     Sometimes they manage to make it off of the compounds and onto some conspiracy podcast but it’s tough to believe what you hear unless you’ve had some time to ease your way into it.
     Maybe you watch a show on the History Channel about ancient aliens and you see a clip of Michael Tsarion or David Icke and decide to do a little more research the next time you’re bored and have internet access.
     Most of what they say is interesting in the way that a lot of conspiracy theories are interesting.
The world is run by shape-shifting blood-drinking alien lizards?
     Sure.  Why not?
     As long as they don’t try to take off with all of our water and they keep the trains running on time then it’s fine by me.
     But if you listen to enough stories, some of it starts to makes sense and you heed their constant urgings to “Do your own research!”.  And you do.  And you discover other sources like Texe Marrs and Jordan Maxwell and William Cooper that have done their homework and provide you with their sources if you have the time and effort to research them.  And less of what these people have to say seems like the ravings of a schizophrenic that went off of their meds and wandered away from their keeper.
     Certain phrases and project names recur.
     Project names like Rex 84 and Project Paperclip and Mk Ultra. 
     Maybe you hear about a shadowy organization that rules the world and you do research, or at least what passes for research in the age of the internet about The Freemasons and the Skull and Bones and The Illuminati and the New World Order, the Council On Foreign Relations and the Bilderberg Group which meets in secret and supposedly selects the next world leaders and plots the future history of the world before it happens.
     Maybe you even try to tell your friends about this amazing revelation that you’ve discovered about how the game is actually rigged and only fools play by the rules and there isn’t anything behind our currency and hasn’t been for years.  That the money that everyone spends most of their life pursuing is just worthless paper.  That maybe, just maybe, we never put a man on the moon.
     The further down the rabbit hole you go, the more superficial the smiles of your friends become.
     When someone that doesn’t know you well mentions something in casual conversation in mixed company, maybe a look was shot, quick and intended to be subtle.  A half a smirk or a roll of the eyes.
When anyone mentions politics, you say that the president was selected, not elected and that the popular vote and democracy itself is a sham and do they know anything about the electoral college?  The topic of conversation is awkwardly forcibly changed to sports, weather, or the latest events that happened to fictional characters on a popular television show.  Just like changing the channel.
That’s when you realize that the knowledge that you worked so hard to find is now yours to bear alone.
Even if we never put a man on the moon, you still have to wake up in the morning and empty your bladder and brush your teeth unless you want your teeth to rot away.
     Never mind the fluoride in the water supply.  The chemtrails criss-crossed across the twilight sky.
     Forget about MK ULTRA and Ewen Cameron.
     That’s not going to make sitting through your scheduled shift at your job any easier.
Having that information at the ready isn’t going to make small talk over appetizers on a blind date any easier.
     The last thing your friends want to be lectured on is why the days of the week are named after Norse Gods.  That Jesus was a solar deity and comes from a long line of magic sun gods that people worship, because it’s easier than having to accept that the universe is really so vast and meaningless that the existence of any single organism is so brief and inconsequential in comparison to all of time and space as we know it that it might as well have never happened and that one day maybe tomorrow and maybe a million years from now the sun will either implode or explode or burnt out and collapse in on itself and every record, tape, CD, MP3 and whatever the next incarnation of music technology is, it won’t matter if you bought another copy of Pink Floyd’s The Wall that you can upload directly into your brain’s audio center, because unless you’re listening to it in a colony in another solar system everything will just be circling around whatever the sun decides to turn into on either a cold dead iceball or a burned out ball of charcoal but that won’t matter because by then everyone they know and love will probably be long dead, gone and forgotten and nothing really matters no matter how hard you try.
     No.
     It’s not that kind of thing that everyone’s wired to handle.
     So you dial it back.
     You realize after you spend a summer not so secretly not being invited to anyone’s cook-outs that maybe a lot of the stuff that you’re carrying around in your head isn’t really ready for prime time.
Your put your pants on one leg at a time like everyone else and try to live for today.

     The time machine has always existed.
     The time machine will always exist.
     At first the goal was teleportation.
     To move things from one place to another.
     It sounds easy when you phrase it simply.
     First a thing is here.  And now it is elsewhere.
     A thousand years ago if you had said that humans would fly across the sky in metal machines that weighed as much as a thousand men they would put you wherever they put the people too mad to mingle with other people.
     Who was it that said “Today’s science fiction is tomorrow’s science fact.”?
     Even in our time, advances in technology have brought us wonders that only years ago we thought we wouldn’t see in our lifetimes and we take it all for granted.
In your pocket you have an affordable device that contains the computational power that would have required entire buildings of machines to produce and you use it to send each other pictures of your genitals.
     Sometimes the use of the machine is determined by the user.

     At first the goal was teleportation.
     To move things from one place to another.
     It sounds easy when you phrase it simply.
     First a thing is here.  And now it is elsewhere.
     If a thing can be moved from one place to another then how far can anything be moved to?
     The first the things were small.
     Ball bearings and marbles.
     Forks and spoons.
     When the things were made to disappear, they disappeared, but no one knew to where.
     Making things disappear was the easy part.
     Making them reappear where they were expected to was the difficult part.
     The scientists sworn to secrecy under penalty of death or worse were thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this new technology.
     One night after many drinks had been drunk while idly drawing on a dry-erase board with colored markers someone figured out that the problem wasn’t only space but time.
      “Around, around the sun we go, the moon goes 'round the earth, we do not die of death - we die of vertigo.”
     If you make a thing disappear with the intention of making it reappear in the same location the problem is not that the object will not reappear in the same place, but that the place is no longer where it was for the object to return to.
     The planet turns on its axis as it orbits around the sun and the entire solar system is spinning on a plane with the rest of the known universe.
     The problem was determined to be one of not only space, but of time.
     Experiments began with increments of time so brief that they would hardly seem like time at all to anyone or thing but the instruments keeping track and the items reappeared as predicted, but a little less predictable as the amount of time an item was allowed to be disappeared was lengthened.
     Things began to get weird and adjustments were made.
     Objects were successfully transported, first across a tabletop, then from one room to another and the experiments were repeated and repeated again just to be sure that what was thought to be happening was actually what was happening.
     One day a scientist decided to try to transport their watch from one room to the next.
     Just for a laugh.  Just to lighten the mood.
     The scientist even tried to think up a punchline for when the timepiece reappeared in the next room.
Something along the lines of “Time flies!”.
     When the watch reappeared the time had to be reset.
     That’s when things got interesting.
     No one had really stopped to wonder where things went when they went from here to there or where they were when they disappeared.
     Least of all did anyone wonder when they went.
     Supposedly that’s all we ever learned about the possibility of teleportation and that the project was abandoned as being too dangerous and unpredictable for any practical use.
     There are many scientists that know more than they would ever say about the project that few would even believe were they to risk their life to tell anyone the things they know.
     But there is something that I know.
     You can’t expect any good scientist to open up Pandora’s box only to peek under the lid and then shut it and forget what they saw inside.
     Although the funding for the project was discontinued and the scientists were reassigned to other projects, maybe some of the scientists were not reassigned.
     Maybe in exchange for their rights to be a private citizen some scientists traded their identities to be able to delve further into this new mystery until they had mastered it.
     Maybe some agents sworn to secrecy were assigned to infiltrate the message boards of sci-fi fandom and put forth the question of what consequences there would be for humankind if a time machine were to actually exist.
     Maybe the government through covert funding sources financed the existence of some of the science fiction magazines and awards were rewarded for the best conjectural fiction of what might happen if time travel were a reality.
     There’s a theory in conspiracy circles that the technology that the public at large is allowed to be aware of is ten years behind what science is actually capable of.
     What if I told you it was twenty years?
     What if I told you that I knew when and why the pyramids were built and why the library of Alexandria was burned and that some of the prophecies of Nostradamus were true.
     What if I told you that I knew who killed Kennedy and why, and I knew someone that heard Marilyn Monroe’s last words as they slipped from her beautiful lips?
     Would you believe me if I told you?
     Would anyone?
     It doesn’t matter anymore.
     It never did.
     It never will.
     I won’t tell you who I am.
     Who I am doesn’t matter anymore.
     What matters is what I know.
     I have seen the time machine.
     I have heard it humming and I have seen it make things disappear elsewhere, elsewhen.
     Sometimes these things reappear where and when you expect them to and sometimes they don’t.
     Sometimes smaller things and other times things not so small.
     Sometimes small objects.
     Sometimes other things.
     I can’t be sure that I can tell you for certain who or when but we have a way of knowing our own.
     You’d never make the trip unless you thought it through.
     To disappear from here and now and reappear elsewhere, elsewhen is more than most people could ever to hope to wrap their mind around.
     For some it is a dream, for others, a nightmare.

     The time machine has always existed.
     The time machine will always exist.
     I know where it is.
     I can take you there if you want to go.
     But you have to ask yourself… are you sure you want to go?